Empire wins galactic lottery, buys new stormtrooper helmets

Posted Friday, August 15, 2014 at 11:28 AM Central
Last updated Friday, August 15, 2014 at 11:56 AM Central

by John Couture

When most of us fire up our holographic communication devices and notice that "urgent" message from the Andorrian princes telling us that we have won the Galactic Lottery, we simply hit annihilate and move on. Not so for the Galactic Empire.

This sudden spending is surprising given that the Empire recently lost their top two guys. Yet despite this setback, the Galactic Empire is spending money as though they were still printing it. Case in point, we contacted our network of Bothan spies and they indicated through their intermediary, a Raphael Argus from the planet Replica Props Forum, that the Empire recently purchased a large amount of new stormtrooper helmets for the dwindling ranks of their indentured army.

You can see an image of these new helmets below.

There is no indication where the funds for this purchase and redesign came from and with the current state of chaos within the ranks of the Empire, the obvious conclusion is a sudden, surprise influx of money that one would get from winning the Galactic Lottery. The change in design also comes as a surprise given the utilitarian usefulness of the previous design that remained unchanged in over 30 years.

It has been reported that the above design was chosen by Darth Vader himself and perhaps with his untimely demise, those forward-thinking factions in the Empire decided to strike while the iron (and body) was still hot. The original design of the stormtrooper armor and helmet was based on the more flamboyant fashion choice of the clone troopers. It is said that Darth Vader would stay up to the early hours of the morning agonizing over every single detail.

Of course, as pretty as the armor was, it wasn't really all that functional as the Empire found out the hard way. Rumors persist that it wasn't even strong enough to withstand the sticks and stones of the indigenous ewoks on Endor, but I digress.

If these Bothan spies are to be trusted, we should see production of the new helmets and armor ramp up over the coming year. With any luck, we should start seeing them pop up in seedy bars and ports across the galaxy towards the end of next year.