Five trailers so bad, you have to see them

Posted Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at 4:20 PM Central

by John Couture

The whole point of a movie's theatrical trailer is much like a cover of a book or the artwork of an album cover (well, when there were albums or even CDs), it's to compel you to pick up that book or record and buy it. A movie's trailer sadly can make or break an opening weekend, and by extension a movie's whole box office take.

Now granted, movie trailers are supposed to be targeted to the core audience, but the really impressive ones (say for Inception) are so good that they cross demographics and even launch their own Internet memes. This morning, I came across the following trailer and it left me literally speechless.

I mean I wasn't even aware that they were making a Yogi Bear movie. But this CGI/live action movie is such an epic fail that after watching it I would be motivated to create a time machine and simply to go back in time and off Dan Aykroyd before he could agree to do it. Poor John Belushi must be spinning in his grave over this abomination.

And yes, it really is that bad. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself below.

See? Now, you too won't be able to watch Ghostbusters in quite the same way.

And don't even get me started on trying to figure out what they were going for with their theatrical poster (above right).

That got me thinking (and yes, I realize that's always dangerous). With the raising costs of going to see movies in theaters, shouldn't trailers likewise be picking up their game? I mean, if I'm going to drop $35 to see a movie in the theaters with my girlfriend, the trailer better make it seem like my very life depends on seeing it on the big screen.

What I found was quite the opposite. It literally looks like films are trying to start their Razzie campaign with the schlock that passes as a film trailer these days. For every awesome Harry Potter trailer out there, there's five others that will make your eyes bleed.

I knew you'd want to see the evidence. Well, get ready and prepare to bleed from your ocular orifices. With the above Yogi Bear trailer, here's five trailers, for upcoming movies, that are so bad, you'll be begging us to stop.

But, we won't.

Gnomeo and Juliet

What's worse than the idea of retelling the classic Shakespeare tale in the world of garden gnomes? Having a special appearance from a garden gnome version Elton John. Yikes! The worst part of this movie is that this kid targeted movie will have most assuredly changed the Bard's original ending, so any joy of anticipating a violent end to these two star-crossed lovers goes out the window. Oh, uh...spoiler alert if you've never heard of William Shakespeare before.

Rising Stars

Watching this trailer actually made me throw up a little in my mouth. Set aside the fact that I've seen this movie made at least a dozen times in the last 10 years, this movie makes me think that Glee and American Idol got together and spawned an offspring so horrible that even Satan himself rejected it. Oh, Fisher Stevens, why? After Lost things were looking so good and then you had to do this? Blasphemy.

Rising Stars Trailer - Watch more Movie Trailers

Country Strong

I should probably state two facts for full disclosure on this one. First, I live in Nashville and second, I hate country music. So yeah, this means that this movie is so not in my wheelhouse, it's not funny. In fact, I passed on the being an extra in the whole big ending "triumphant return" scene because I knew that this movie had all the makings of a cult classic. And not in a good way. Speaking of "cult classics," does anyone else get a real Showgirls vibe from that last exchange. "And that's how it's done." No, ask Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood to get the real scoop of how it's done. We live in a Justin Bieber world. Shudder. I hope the Mayans were right.

The Freebie

OK, so let me set up this picture for you. Comedy screwball actor Dax Shepard gets in way over his head when his suggestion of he and his wife taking a night off from their marriage vows takes wild and unexpected turns. Sounds like a pretty hilarious movie that will most assuredly hit that key 18 to 34 male demographic, right? Wrong. No, this is Dax Shepard, the older, more mature serious actor trying to carry a heavy drama. Yeah, I can't look at him without laughing either.

What do you think? Do any of these trailers give you any reason to want to watch them, let alone rush out and see them in theaters?